Do you feel like you want to fit in? Have you heard yourself saying I don’t really fit in? I know that this has been a recurring thought in my life.

From when I started school and wanted to fit in with the ‘cool’ group of girls, to the social groups I joined as a teenager, I just wanted to fit in. I would work hard at it, over-compensating, smiling, being a bit of a joker — making people laugh seemed to help me feel accepted. When I went to college, I remember one girl saying to me that when she saw me she thought I smiled too much, and that put her off getting to know me and wanting to hang out with me!

So what is it that makes us want to fit in, why do we need it, and what does it mean? It can mean different things in different situations, but for me it is about acceptance, feeling loved, knowing that I belong somewhere.

It doesn’t matter who you are, how financially well off you are, your age, your gender, we all do things that make us fit in. If you watched this year’s Apprentice on TV, all the girls seemed to dress in the same dress, with the same heels, all the boys in their suits with the same shoes … All of them want to fit in and the clothes they wear make them feel like they belong to a particular group. It might be buying a specific car, you are doing it to fit in with the people who buy those cars. Supporters of a football team, the team shirts, the scarves — all part of fitting in.

There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to fit in, but don’t let it take away from your true self, and if you feel like you can’t be yourself, then that isn’t the group for you. Remember those Maya Angelou words — you belong every place — and feel free enough and confident enough to belong no place at all.