During February I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself with all aspects of your wellbeing, and making self-care part of your Everyday Essentials, so I thought I would talk about being a ‘people pleaser’ and the tug of war that exists between giving your time to others whilst taking it away from yourself.
So let me introduce you to the
Good Person Myth: Why Saying ‘No’ Doesn’t Make You Selfish. I am a ‘recovering’ people pleaser, and have felt guilty for turning something down, or saying ‘no’ as I have a little voice in my head whispering “a good person wouldn’t say ‘no’, a good person wouldn’t cancel, a good person would say ‘yes’. Does this sound familiar to you? Are you a people pleaser too?
Somewhere along the way, the belief that being a ‘good’ person means being available 24/7 has
developed. That saying ‘no’ is somehow unkind, selfish, or even rude. That our worth is measured by how much we do for others, rather than how well we take care of ourselves.
But the truth is you don’t stop being a kind, loving, generous person just because you set boundaries. In fact, boundaries are what allow you to keep being your best self.
Every time you say ‘yes’ to something out of obligation, you’re saying ‘no’ to something else. And more often than
not, that ‘something else’ is you.
👉 You say yes to helping a friend last-minute, but it means skipping the Pilates class you were looking forward to
👉 You agree to a work project you don’t have time for, and now your Sunday walk—the one that clears your head—is out the window
👉 You take on one more commitment because you don’t want to let someone down, but suddenly you’re the one feeling drained and
overwhelmed.
It’s a pattern of ‘learned’ behaviour, and when it keeps happening, it’s easy to feel exhausted, frustrated, and maybe even a little resentful — like you’re running on empty, but everyone still expects more.
So what if you didn’t need to prove you’re a good person by over-committing yourself?
What if being kind included being kind to yourself?
What if saying ‘no’ sometimes actually made your ‘yes’ more
meaningful?
Because when you take care of yourself first, you don’t just give people the leftovers of your time and energy — instead, you give from a place of fullness. And that is so much more powerful than a ‘yes’ given out of guilt.
If any of this is ringing true with you, then here is a little mantra to practice…
Next time you feel the pull of the ‘good person’ myth, try this:
💛 I am still
a kind, caring, generous person—even when I say no
💛 My time is valuable, and it’s okay to spend some of it on me
💛 Resting doesn’t make me selfish. It makes me human
This week I want you to focus on that one thing that you want to say yes to — for yourself, and let’s make this Valentine’s week a celebration of self-care as part of your Everyday Essentials for Wellbeing.
Have a fabulous week everyone — keep
moving, looking, and feeling good.
With love
Jane 🧡
