This week I was undecided about what to write about in this section, until I had a chat with one of my one-to-one clients yesterday. She was asking me about making a decision about the State Pension and whether or not to defer it, and she asked me what I did.
She actually hasn’t reached pensionable age yet, so she is thinking ahead. My feelings
about this is that she doesn’t have to decide either way yet, so she should keep an open mind about it and know that whatever she might say now, could definitely change in the future. But this conversation made me think about decision making in general, and that it doesn’t have to be set in stone.
The thing is that some decisions can feel much bigger than they actually are, and we can find ourselves spending days, weeks … sometimes longer, turning something over in our
minds. Asking ourselves what’s the right thing to do? What if I get it wrong? What if I regret it later? And before we know it, the pressure builds, as if one decision will define everything that comes next.
Somewhere along the way, we have learned that decisions need to be certain, final, carefully thought through, and ideally the correct decision. So we analyse, going backwards and forwards, trying to predict the outcomes, because once the decision is made … that’s
it! The pressure to get it right! But why? Because some decisions aren’t permanent, but they might be the best choice for right now. Not all decisions are fixed, some are flexible, adjustable and revisitable. Just knowing this can take a huge amount of pressure away.
It can be very freeing to make a provisional decision, one that feels right for the moment, but knowing that it can be changed if needs be. It does give us the freedom to move forward without feeling
trapped, because the reality is: life changes; circumstances change; we change. So what feels right today might feel different in 6 months, or a year, or even next week.
Knowing this is very important for our wellbeing, because if we believe that every decision is final, it can create a lot of overthinking, stress, hesitation and fear. If we allow flexibility, the decision making becomes lighter, it gives us control, and therefore more willing to take action. There is less
pressure to be perfect because we move from I must get this exactly right to I can choose, and adjust if needed.
A gentler, kinder approach for our wellbeing is changing the questions we ask. Instead of what’s the perfect decision?, we can ask what feels like the next right step for me? One step — not the whole path.
I always stress this when I am teaching, encouraging adjustment and responding to how we feel on that day …
recognising this and modifying or refining when something doesn’t feel quite right. Life, as with movement, can be approached in the same way.
Is there a decision at the moment that you are overthinking, because you feel it needs to be permanent, when actually it could be flexible? Knowing that whatever choice you make right now can be changed later, if needed, is giving yourself permission to adjust along the way.
Have a good week —
keep moving, looking,and feeling good.
With love and support,
Jane xxx
