As you have seen above, I am struggling with control at the moment, so I thought I would share some facts about how to help with overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion when we are trying to control everything, but in a position where this is not possible. It’s often not the workload itself that exhausts us, it’s the fight to control
everything.
This is what might be happening:
- we replay conversations
- we predict outcomes
- we imagine worst case scenarios
- we try to manage how other people feel
All of this sends our nervous system into overdrive and overwhelm, and anxiety creeps in too. But if we separate what is ours from what isn’t, we can start to diminish the overwhelm.
Questions to ask: first: what is in my
control right now?
- my response
- my tone of voice
- whether I pause before replying
- the boundaries I set
- how I organise my day
- whether I ask for help — this is a big one for me
- what I say yes to
- what I say no to
- how I move my body
- when I go to bed
- how I speak to myself
- the effort I choose to give
- whether I take 5 minutes to breathe
These are
powerful, and although they might feel small, they are stabilising.
Here’s another list, and the second question: what is NOT in my control? This is one we spend the most energy wrestling with.
- other people’s opinions
- other people’s moods
- how someone interprets what we say
- the weather
- traffic
- past mistakes
- future outcomes
- how quickly others change
- unexpected interruptions
- illness that
appears — this, This, THIS!
- world events
- whether everyone approves
If we try to control these things, our body will simply brace, jaw will tighten, shoulders lift, breath shortens, because the body knows something the mind sometimes forgets — we are trying to steer a ship that isn’t ours!
So why does this matter for stress? Well, when we focus on what is within our control:
- decision making becomes clearer
- energy feels
less scattered
- overthinking reduces
- we move from reactive to responsive
In turn this enables a physical softening, and the nervous system settles when it senses control. We can’t always change circumstances, but we can choose our actions, and small actions reduce the feeling of helplessness.
Here is a gentle check in for if/when you feel tension rising this week: try asking yourself, is this mine to carry?
If
the answer is yes then what small step can you take to make it feel better.
If the answer is no then can you move it and let it sit where it belongs. I don’t want you to think this is about disengaging — instead, it’s a way of conserving energy for the things that truly need you.
When we try to manage everything the body starts to contract, so control isn’t just a mental concept. But if we focus on what is truly ours, the
body will soften and lengthen.
Control is one of the philosophies of Pilates, but it isn’t about trying to control the whole world in class, instead it’s about what we can control: breath, alignment, quality of movement, decision to rest when needed.
As a gentle reflection, try taking a few minutes and explore what is taking up the most of your mental energy — maybe write it down, completely honestly. Then make two columns — In My Control, and Not in My Control — be kind but truthful.
Once you have done this, ask yourself:
- am I spending energy in the wrong column?
- what small action is within my control right now?
- if I let go of what isn’t mine to manage, what would feel lighter?
Finally, what will you do differently this week, if you can trust
yourself to handle what is truly yours? Not necessarily big changes — just a small shift, and sometimes clarity is the beginning of calm.
Good luck!
Have a good week. Keep looking, moving, and feeling good.
With love and support,
Jane xxx
