I have to talk about loss this week, as I have recently experienced a huge loss in my life as my sister — on the right in this photo — lost her fight against cancer just before Christmas; 20th December at 7.58pm to be
precise.
As a family we have been taking care of Marian at her home. Her sons had been going in day and night to feed her and keep her comfortable. My other sister had been going in daily, to do the same, and I had been going in, in between classes and studio sessions.
It was probably 18 months ago that Marian was first diagnosed with bowel cancer. She underwent surgery to remove the tumour, but the cancer had spread to her liver and lungs.
She then went through chemotherapy — she had two and a half cycles of chemo, but the final cycle made her so ill and weak that she had to take three months off treatment to try and build up her strength again.
Unfortunately at the end of the three months the cancer had continued to grow and spread. In November we began the process of gaining help from MacMillan, and Marian made the decision which we were all in full support of, to be cared for at home. And that is what
we did!
Sadly, for the boys — her sons — my nephews, and their families, Marian’s husband, their Dad, had found her illness too much to deal with and had been in hospital for several weeks. Unbelievably he also passed away at 2.00am on 21st December — just six hours after Marian had died. He never knew that Marian had died as the boys had agreed to go together the next day to break the news to him.
Apart from sharing our grief as a family, I have
felt an incredible amount of pride for my nephews and their families for everything they coped with at such a difficult time. But also very protective, I felt as if I wanted to wrap my arms around them all to protect them from what was happening to their Mum and their Dad. Even though they are adults and have their own children, I am still their Aunty and hated to see them hurting so much.
I know that some who attend sessions with me have known about my loss, some who
attend didn’t know and some people who don’t normally come to my sessions wouldn’t have needed to know, but the team have known and they have been brilliant in covering for me, supporting me, and comforting me when I have needed it.
I cannot describe the level of my sadness, and sometimes it takes me by surprise, so wobbly, I definitely am. I do however, feel grateful and thankful — firstly to have had Marian in my life, she was a brilliant big sister, feisty, fun and
totally about family. Talking of which — secondly — very grateful and thankful to be part of such a brilliant family. Thirdly — to have had the honour of helping to care for her at the end of her life and to be there with her. Finally — to be there to watch my nephews as they cared for their Mum and how proud I am of them, two grown men who I still see as the little boys I used to take swimming and ice-skating.
Just to be sure, I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry
or sad for me, but simply to share what has been going on and possibly explain to some of you not in the know, why I have perhaps appeared to be not firing on all cylinders.
Jane xxxxx
